Citizen Voices

‘You suck at parking!’

you suck at parking

The ‘you suck at parking note’ note left behind by spme volatile stranger.

Have you had one of those days when you’re in such a rush you end up parking in a way that would make your former driving instructor throw their head back in dismay and break out in stress hives? Heather Cameron expects to have one of those days every so often. What she wasn’t ready for was the vociferous reaction from a random stranger.

All of us with valid (or non-existent, if you’re the sneaky type) driving licenses have had those days; when you’re in a rush and end up parking in a bit of an idiot.

“I’m more or less in the lines… no one will care.”

Oh, but someone will care.

Someone will definitely care.

Someone will be so affronted by your apparent lack of parking skills that they will go out of their way to inform you of your inadequacy.

I know this because it happened to me. Early on a Thursday morning in April, I sauntered out of Pick n Pay, box of doughnuts in hand, without a care in the world. As I approached my car, I noticed a stack of paper which was fluttering innocently in the wind while tucked into the rear window wiper. But these papers were not as innocent as they seemed.

“Hey, YOU SUCK AT PARKING. Seriously.”

I laughed. Do I really? The licensing official who gave me a pass on my driving test would beg to differ, friend.

“Learn to park, asshole. If I see you do this again I will key your shit.”

That stopped the chuckles. I considered the kind of person who had left this lovely note.

In their life, someone has been so disturbed by cases of poor parking that they purposefully put in the effort to type up notes, print them and then cut them out, probably very angrily, so that they would have multiple copies to leave for perpetrators of poor parking.

I know the number one question on all of your minds is, “How the heck did this girl park?”

Well, all I’ll say is that it was adequate. Nothing to warrant such disdain.

This whole incident made me more aware of poor parkers across Grahamstown. And there have been some shockers.


Shockingly shoddy parking in Peppergrove Mall Photo credit: Harold Gess

If whoever left this note is reading this right now, I would like to apologise for causing you such anguish. However, those four notes gave me the feeling that you have a lot of stored up anger. Despite the fact that some people’s parking brings on extremely violent feelings within you, don’t key people’s cars. It’s not nice.

Maybe try out yoga or have an angry dance sequence in an abandoned cotton factory à la Kevin Bacon in Footloose but, please – I implore you – put down the keys.


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